Snacking in Salt Lake

Dear Dr. Lunch,

I made a big mistake. This entire morning I've been munching on little salty treats here and there and now I'm not hungry at all! But it's lunch time, and I know that if I don't eat now I probably won't be able to until after work! Help!

From,

Snacking in Salt Lake

Dear Snacking in Salt Lake,

Shame on you! Don't you know that snacking prior to lunch can offset your entire day to the point of famine and destruction?! I once knew a young man who ate an entire bag of Mint Milanos from 11 AM to 11:45 AM thus resulting in him not wanting a lunch at all! And you know what happened to him? He ate lunch at 4 PM, which we all know is strictly reserved for early dinnerers or Brits wanting tea time. He soon began a nasty habit of doing this every day... and entire bag of Milanos, but it grew and grew and before you know it he didn't care what kind of Milanos. Mint, double chocolate, orange... any bag of delicious Milano cookies he would eat, and eat fast.

Soon he grew too fat. He was unable to look at himself in the mirror. And in an effort to lose the weight he decided the best course of action was to cut out lunch every day as a fasting technique. He was soon neglected by the lunch crowd, unrecognized in the office, and he received a severe demotion. All for some "harmless" snacking.

Do yourself a favor and get a light lunch, a salad, because one day without lunch could ruin your respect forever. Do that. Or you could die. I don't care, I'm through with you.

Or Pad Thai. You can never go wrong with Pad Thai for lunch.

Sincerely,

Dr. Lunch

Confused in Calgary

Dear Dr. Lunch,

Mac-and-Cheese or Pizza today?

Seriously,

Confused in Calgary

Dear Confused in Calgary,

You actually want Pad Thai.

Sincerely,

Dr. Lunch

Fear-of-Rejection in F(Ph)oenix

Dear Dr. Lunch,

I'm worried that my coworkers aren't going to enjoy my suggestion of fish and chips for lunch! How do I bring some more sea life into our lunch relationship?

Best,

Fear-of-Rejection in F(Ph)oenix

Dear Fear-of-Rejection in F(Ph)oenix,

Don't worry about what your coworkers think! When it comes to lunch you can only be yourself! Look them straight in the eye and say to them: "I don't care if you're nauseated by the smell, I don't care if you are allergic to all sea life, hell I don't care if you're actually a mermaid/merman and you're eating your own kind. I'm a man who enjoys my fish and chips... it's what our culture was founded on! WHO'S WITH ME!"

I think you'll find that a little confidence is going to get you a long way... or you can suggest Pad Thai... you can't go wrong with Pad Thai.

Good Luck,

Dr. Lunch

Starving in Seattle

Dear Dr. Lunch,

It's 11:45 AM and my 12:30 break is fast approaching, but I can't decide what I want! The Chipotle down the street seems to be having some sort of promotion, but I also could go with some Indian food. Help!

Sincerely,

Starving in Seattle

Dear Starving in Seattle,

It's a dilemma I know only too well, being torn between two entire different types of food. But I strongly advise you not to take cost into this decision. Lunch is a serious thing, I should know I've got a PhD in it! (lol). But seriously, the promotion for Chipotle is probably a sort of student promotion for UW freshmen, and they will probably angrily tell you no. One of only many reasons not to think about the money thing.

But in the question of Indian vs. Mexican, there is never a good answer. Both are delicious. Both will cause you pain at roughly 2 PM. It's a question of which spice you'd like today. Usually when I'm in your situation I just say fuck it and get some Pad Thai. You can't go wrong with Pad Thai.

- Dr. Lunch